I'm broken.

MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

I hate admitting to anybody that I exercise.  Here's why. . .this may get deep. . .First of all, for some reason I feel like having to exercise is like admitting that I've already lost.  I can't totally explain that, but it makes sense in my head.  If I have to exercise, that means I'm not currently happy with myself.  There's something wrong with me.  I'm broken.

Another reason is because every time I get excited about a new workout or a new exercise or a new running thing or whatever, I tell my friends and family about it, then a month later, for whatever reason, I'm not doing it anymore.  So, by telling people, I'm setting myself up for failure.  I'm not gonna workout forever.  I'm 35 years old, 5'11", and weigh 200 pounds.  If I get down to 180 (my goal weight, given that it's proportionately distributed), I'll probably stop.  I'll at least stop killing myself (that's hilarious because my current "workout" is about 20 minutes).  I kind of enjoy jogging and want my kids to pick up on that, so I'll probably at least try to keep doing that until I can't do it anymore.  My point is, right now I'm working out with a goal; to lose 20 pounds.  When I lose those 20, what will I do?  I don't have an answer to that.  

People always talk about working out giving them energy and relieving stress.  WHAT?!?!  It stresses me out and makes me tired!!  Granted, I don't fuel my body with the right things to be energized, but no exercise has EVER made me feel energized or relieved any of my stress.  Well, I don't get stressed, so that's a whole 'nother blog post.  

This post is to say this. . .I don't want to admit that I'm broken, but I am.  I'm overweight and out of shape and uncomfortable with the current state of my health.  I've always been fairly athletic, but due to my outrageously ridiculously terrible eating habits, things have to change.  My metabolism has finally calmed down a little and slapped me in the face.  It's like all the interest from one of those 0% interest things. . .if you don't pay it over the 0% interest period, they add it all up and tack it onto your bill after that period is over.  That's kind of what my weight has done.  I've gained about 2 pounds a month for the past year.  Pretty slow, but steady and significant when you realize that in a year, I've gained almost 25 pounds.

So I'm starting this myfitnesspal.com thing and I'm gonna try to be pretty accurate inputing the foods I eat and the exercise I do.  I've added the weight loss badge to the top of this post and the side of my blog.  Hopefully one day, it will say "20 lbs lost"!!  If it does, then I've succeeded.  If I gain weight, hopefully their algorithms don't work for that and it won't show up. . .

So, wish me luck, and I'll probably post a thing here and there whining as much as I can about my "workouts".

Thanks!!


**update** I started a new blog about my weight problem and how I'm trying to combat it.  It's called "Fatty Fatty 2X4" at thebathroomdoor.blogspot.com